This is how it feels

Monday I was on fire, I shopped for groceries and cleaned the house.  I felt ah-mazing!  Tuesday I was sad and found it hard to do anything.  Wednesday I woke up early and made our 4th closure protocol document, figured out Zoom and how to stream it to Facebook and went mushroom hunting that afternoon. Thursday I stayed in my pajamas all day, felt yucky and forced myself to fry chicken for a family quarantine picnic on Saturday and practiced Zoom with some board members.  Today, Friday, I showered (I did that every day, well, except Thursday), put makeup on, tried to fix my hair and here I am at work, being productive. 

Why am I sharing what some might consider too much information?  Because you need to hear it.  If you are experiencing the same ups and downs, you are not alone.  If this is the first time you have ridden this rollercoaster, you are not alone. 

The other day, a friend, and an avid reader, mentioned she was having a hard time reading.  I commented, that this was normal.  I have ridden a rollercoaster most of my life, sometimes the ride has been like the Orient Express (this used to be the meanest rollercoaster at Worlds of Fun), sometimes it is like the little kiddie dragon ride at the fair.  I understand the ups and downs because I understand mental illness.   I understand mental illness because it is the main architect of the rollercoasters I have lived with all my life. 

What we are living through qualifies as trauma.  Our lives have been turned upside down.  Some people have lost their lives or fear that they could, some have lost their source of income, some have lost their sense of purpose, some have lost their sense of belonging, the list goes on.  The trauma can range from death to missing your friends. 

No one gets to rate their trauma or should even try.  I have said it before, your feelings are your feelings, don’t feel bad about them.  What I would ask you to do, is to remember this feeling, especially if you have never had it before.  Hopefully this time will make us all be better aware of the realness of mental illness and the effects of trauma.  The next time a friend says they are worried about something, don’t tell them not to worry.  Remember how ineffective and demeaning that is to a person.  If I told my friend that was having trouble reading that she should get over it and just read, how would that have been helpful.  Instead I let her know it was okay.    

Our county has not seen the physical aspect of this health scare; having only 1 case as of 4-10-2020.  What we are seeing is the mental aspect.  We are struggling with being confined, with losing our normal and we just try to adjust each day and go forward.  Be kind to yourself, be kind to others.  I see lots of recommendations about keeping a schedule, okay, maybe.  Or maybe for a usually organized person like myself, this is the time to let it all go.  Maybe wear your pajamas all day and put aside your to-do list.  It is a rollercoaster ride, some days will be amazing, some days it won’t.

On a library note, if you can’t read now, our digital resources go beyond books.  Hoopla offers music and videos.  I am looking at adding a new database called creativebug, that can help you find an outlet for your creative side.  Our digital resources are pretty vast from comics to learning a new language.  We are here for you.  We also understand if we don’t hear from you, we miss you and it is okay.  Remember the fun and relief when you roll in at the end of the coaster ride?  That day will come. 

Upcoming Facebook events: 10:00am, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday we are sharing stories, 10:30 on Wednesday.  On Wednesday and Saturdays at 10:00am Brittany will be doing Story Time.  Every day at 5:00pm we will be sharing Brenda Steffens reading The Wild Robot.