I was enjoying breakfast with a couple of my kiddos (Ashlee and her boyfriend, David) when I mentioned that I would love to go back in time and have the chili the lunch ladies used to make. Then I stepped it up a notch and said I would love to go back and hold my kids on my lap. I think about this one every day, but I also clarified that I would not want to change the past. At this, I mentioned a song I love, Dear Younger Me by MercyMe. “If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far, then you could be, one step ahead, of all the painful memories still running thru my head…The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me.”
If you knew me personally, you would know that I make references to movies and songs all the time. Ask John and he will tell you I still know all the lyrics to all the songs I have ever liked. Not true, but pretty close. Music is important to me. It is tied into memories, gives me inspiration, can soothe my soul and fire me up. Music gives me the feels.
This morning, on my walk, I started thinking about the bookworm for this week. I spend my walk in positive thoughts, prayers and thanks for 30 minutes. I knew I wanted to go positive with my topic and was just running ideas through my head. When I got home, one of my prayer receivers, a friend, crossed my mind again. I wanted to send her something to hopefully brighten her day. I looked back through quotes I kept from when I was sick and found the perfect one to send her. Then I turned back to myself and started working on my puzzle, sipping my tea and, you guessed it, enjoying some music and yes, the bookworm was still tiptoeing through my thoughts.
I chose “Change” by Blind Melon first, and again, my thoughts returned to my friend. “I don’t feel the suns comin’ out today,
it’s staying in, it’s gonna find another way, as I sit here in this misery I don’t think I’ll ever no ??See the sun from here…When you feel your life ain’t worth living, you’ve got to stand up, and take a look around and you look way up to the sky, yeah, and when your deepest thoughts are broken, keep on dreaming boy, ’cause when you stop dreamin’ it’s time to die.” Her life is hard and dark right now, but she keeps on looking up and going forward, because it is not her time to die.
I followed up Blind Melon with MercyMe. I landed on “Even If” and missed some friends, “Grace Got You” and “Happy Dance” and felt happy again and then “Dear Younger Me” came on. I paused it and decided to listen to it on the way to work. It reminded me of my breakfast with the kids and reassured me. I don’t like to think about regret, I prefer to respect the journey or the process of living and where it takes us, “choices that made me.” Then these lyrics played, “Dear younger me, it’s not your fault, you were never meant to carry this beyond the cross…every mountain every valley, thru each heartache you will see, every moment brings you closer, to who you were meant to be.” Feels, yep, I had lots of feels, because it all came together and, I kid you not, a pure white bird took off and flew to the right of me.
I got to work and looked for pure white birds, I did not find anything to satisfy the magical moment I experienced, and I will tell you right now, don’t ruin it for me if you have the answer. This is why music means so much to me, it really does speak to me and in that moment I think others joined in, those friends I miss and the God who shows me Grace.
So here we are at the end of the bookworm. As usual, some of you are wondering what any of this has to do with the library? Hmmm, how about, I used library books to look for my white bird, if you want to listen to “Change” by Blind Melon you can listen to it on Hoopla, and if you want to enjoy the MercyMe songs I listed, we have all of them on CDs. Or how about this, enjoy my positive bookworm as it is, share in my “feels” moment and enjoy the blessing that I experienced just riding to work and listening to music.
Upcoming Events: 12/2 Book Club at 7:00pm, 12/2 Story Time in the Community room (masks required for adults) at 10am