To be enjoyed

I am still playing catchup.  I missed some work during my illness, I put things on hold, then we were short staffed for a while.  My new employees started the first week of January (By the way, they are great!), so we spent some time in training.  Even I had to remind myself how to run overdues, so we all learned something.  But again, I am still playing catchup.  I feel like a whirlwind, don’t get me wrong, I love being busy, but I am feeling a little frayed.

One of the lessons I learned when I was sick, was letting go of anxiety.  I walk a fine line between being busy, feeling accomplished and lying in bed racked with anxiety for the next day.  I swore I would never do that to myself again.  I would enjoy each day and work to find balance so that my nights were restful and I would not worry about tomorrow.  It was so easy during treatment to maintain this balance; I was honestly in a fog.  With remission has come clarity and the Stacey who likes to “go at it like she is killing snakes” is back.  The snake killer is also the same lady that can fill herself full of anxiety and worry.  Remember that word, balance, it is more of a struggle, but at least I am aware of it.

I have to let go of somethings, I need to learn to delegate tasks at work (I am actually getting really good at this), and I have to learn to spend time enjoying the day.  I think it is easy for us to get so busy that we feel bad when we are not doing anything.  My husband used to say, “You can rest when you are dead.”  Geez, that is harsh, to be honest, we were way younger then and he had yet to learn to appreciate the joy of taking a nap.  With that being said, even John has learned to enjoy an occasional nap, but we can still feel like it was a waste of a day afterwards.

What is wrong with us that we do these things to ourselves?  We push ourselves so hard to be successful or to get things accomplished but we forget to take care of ourselves.  Maybe we work hard to make more money, but never have time to enjoy our earnings, it just goes into a bank and we go back to our job.  We accomplish goals we have set before us and then we don’t know what to do when we are done, so we set more goals or we destroy everything we worked toward.  I think our society really has a hard time enjoying life.

A friend of mine shared a really lovely post last night on Facebook.  “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion.  Being alive is the special occasion.”  I love this, and it has nothing to do with facing my mortality this last year.  It is important for each one of us. A while back my mother received a beautiful wooden spatula from a friend, she had it displayed.  I asked her why, “because it is so pretty”, all the more reason to use it every day mom, and she has been.  She deserves to enjoy special things every day, we all do.

Saturday, January 19th  at 10:30am, will be our first “Read-in” at the library.  We will have snacks, new bean bag chairs for the kiddos and some reading challenges.  We even invite you to show up in your cozy pajamas, but really the main goal is just to come to the library and read.   Find a cozy spot and a great book or magazine and just read.  Bring your child or grandchild and read to them, enjoy time spent with your loved ones, or come alone and enjoy some time in solitude.  Treat yourself to a relaxing hour of just reading, no thinking about your job or chores to be done, just enjoying the special occasion of another day of living.  Treat yourself, you deserve it.