Dirty skillet

An idle mind is the devil’s playground.  I think the original saying mentions idle hands and a workshop, but this one better fits what I want to talk about, so excuse me if I messed it up.  This week was my “germ” week.  A week that I am supposed to stay home and work, per my doctor and my husband.  I am not good at this.  My mind and hands do not like being idle.  I have found in my recent health journey that the physical fight has not been the hard part.  I have felt pretty good physically, but the mental game is continuing and can be the worst part.

I spent some time with my girls this week and watched my oldest leave her dirty skillet in the sink, you know “to soak.”  We all know that soaking is just a method of procrastination, especially when said skillet was used for eggs.  I can be jealous of how she goes on about her day and that skillet doesn’t bother her at all.  Each time I used the sink, I wanted to wash it, I didn’t.  I wish I could let go of my anxieties and control and treat my cancer as that dirty skillet.  Let’s face it, I am going to have to enter a five-year relationship with that dirty skillet.  Yes, my scan was clean, but to get the good c word, “cured”, I must be clean of cancer for 5 years.

My idle mind is a chore for a week, imagine 5 years.  I mentioned that physically I have been good, well, Sunday night I hurt my back riding a Spyder.  Look it up, it is a fun way to hurt your back.  The problem is that I immediately worried the cancer was back.  I hadn’t had any physical pain for so long, it was where my crazy mind went.  I have a lot to learn and a lot to let go of.

Before I was diagnosed, we had started our strategic planning at the library; we put that on hold.  We have been just maintaining our course, remember I said, “No, new things.”  A few weeks ago I mentioned that some new stuff is happening in the teen room, so “Some, new things.”  I have to find a balance.  I need something to do on my germ weeks besides writing Bookworms and ordering books.   It is time to start planning for the future.  Yes, that dirty skillet is still part of my future but I have to let it go.  I plan to pick up on our strategic planning in 2019.  While I am waiting I guess I can start playing with my “more” folders at home.  I keep them on my desk, and usually go through them periodically.  Lately, I have only tucked things into them, I think next “germ” week they are coming home with me.  Imagine me alone with them for a whole week, no distractions!

My daughter’s dirty skillet did not keep me from using the sink or cleaning my dishes.  Yep, I didn’t like it, but you know what it is not mine to worry about.  I have to give control up, I talk about letting God have this battle, I need to let him take care of that skillet. You know what, He is just as calm about it as my daughter was, because He has already taken care of it.